All the Queen's Men

Its 5:10 a.m. Sunday morning, and I'm sitting in the firetower on Burke Mtn. with Ck, Ct, B, and Ca exhausted, suffering from a bad head-cold, and utterly content as the sun rises over the mountains and the clouds marking the last day of our adventure... But lets back up.... Its Thursday afternoon and we're sitting in the shade near the Dartmouth shooting range having just completed a rollerski biathlon. Everyone is near heat stroke and we still have the triathlon left to do. No one wants to do it, but all rally and push back their tiredness and mount up for another epic event... But lets back up again... Its midnight at the Wednesday/Thursday juncture and we're swimming across the Connecticut river in the pitch black, stroking towards far away lights and unknown challenges... But lets really back up... In 1999 five freshmen came together on the Dartmouth Ski Team. One was a VT superstar; one was a legend from New York state; one hailed from far away Alaska; one came from snowy Rochester, NY; one came from suburban Simsbury, CT. Over the next 4 years they shared a remarkable college experience: defeat and triumph, frustration and hope, and rivalry and friendship. They ran together in the mountains of New England both white and green. They tasted together the first snows of winter. They dwelt together in a house that is no more. They sang together of the granite of New Hampshire in their muscles and their brains. Then they scattered, each to find their own fortune. It so happens that Ck NROed an anthro class for refusing to write a essay about the topic: How do we know the pyrimids weren't built by aliens? Thus, she lacked the distribution requirements to get her degree and had to take an extra term. Since J was trips director over the summer between Ck's senior and super senior years, Ck got tasked to choose tripees for each trip. For his own trip, she found a former member of the US women's ski team who seemed bad-ass and awesome in every way. The rest is history..Ck proposed to Ct at Moosilauke ravine lodge at the end of trips two years later. The need then arose for the choice of a Best Man. Ck, being Ck, decided rather to let the Best Man choose himself and established the Bestmanthalon, an event by which the Best Man might prove himself worthy. The event would consist of contests of Brawns, Brains, Skillz, and Fun. The first events, Chess, Go, Bridge, and Gobblet, played over the internet, started 9 months ago. It turns out that only B and I wished to contest these events, and his victory in chess gave him the slight advantage going into the live events in Hanover. We convened at Ck's house Wednesday night., and, after some light refreshment decided on our plan for the evening. We would kick it off with some video games, followed by the first event of the modern pentathlon: swimming. Video games included Mario Kart Time trial, SMB points time trial, Wii Tennis, and Wii Boxing. Brayt took the Kart TT, and I was in Second. The SMB points match heavily favored those seeded later, and so Levi and Jon clean up. I tooled on Everybody in Wii Tennis, and I think Jon took first in Boxing. Not a bad start. Then, 11 p.m. rolled around, and we all trekked down to the Connecticut river. B and I had wetsuits and there was a safety canoe, but, damn, the river looked wide at night. The canoe went ahead of us, and we followed the lights. Ck surged to the lead, and finished the crossing in ~5:30, with B, L and J following, and me taking up the back. We then embarked on a ninja mission, the details of which I am not at liberty to divulge. This got us back to Ck's house at 2 a.m. I turned in for the night, as the next day promised a triad of tough events: the decathlon (nonathlon), biathlon, and triathlon. The decathlon started at 7:oo a.m. with the 110 high hurdles. High means HIGH: they come up to my chest. I couldn't jump over them, not even a little, so I ninja kicked every one down. The 110 hurdles took me 30 seconds. J, with impressive technique, won the event. We then had the high jump, which B won, and the long jump, and the shot, and the 100, 400, and 1500. The pole vault we eschewed, lacking the proper gear. We then trekked over to the training field for the javelin and the discus. The highlights of the event for me where the 100 where I came in 2nd and the Javelin where I won for the manthletes. Unfortunately my 100 was 13.1 seconds, making me slower than Hitomi Kanzaki. The shame! We stopped at Molly's for lunch, but Ck wouldn't let us rest long. We had yet the rollerski biathlon. Ca brought out her Anshutz rifle, the one I think she used in the Olympics and let us shoot with it, which was really sweet. Of course we all pretty much sucked-ass at shooting, so it was a rollerski race. The penalty lap for missing a target was an out and back on the soccer field in the burning sun. Brutal. We had an interval start to space out the shooting. It was pretty obvious that B would win, being a pro cross country skier. I hadn't rollerskied in 4 years, so it wasn't pretty. We had three skiing sections (2k, 3k, 2k) and two shooting sections (standing and prone). I hit exactly zero targets, which made the event long and torturous. Running penalty laps in ski boots is not fun. I finished DFL. After the race we all sat in the shade and talked about how tired we were, and how the triathlon wasn't a good idea. Ck, being Ck, rallied us, and off we went to Storrs pond. I was in a bad way at the beginning of the sprint tri. I was heat exhausted and dehydrated and fucking tired. Never-the-less, we got our gear set up and lined up for the race. Hitting the water was intensely refreshing. The swim was 400m, and I was really tired, so it took forever, but it totally killed my heat exhaustion. I got out of the water last, and jumped on my bike for the 10 mile bike. The course was 4 miles of up and then 4 miles of down, and then 2 miles of rolling terrain. I was able to crank pretty well, and I used the bars as best I could, but I wasn't going fast. I got through the course, and started the 3k run just as B was finishing his run. Yeah, its hard to compete against a professional athlete when you're a grad student, but, that's how things go. The sprint tri concluded the hard part of our day, and we headed back to Ck's house to help her pack and to ready ourselves for the exodus to Burke. Packing turned out to be taking Ck's possesions, then loosely organized, and put them into cars that had free space. This process took the better part of 2 hours, during which time other equipment was obtained from various locations on campus. All the cars were marshalled, and the caravan rolled out of Hanover at 7 p.m. We did not, however, go straightways to Burke. We stopped in Bradford for mini-golf, a very fun event that was very close. Afterwards we were all hungry, myself very much so. I recall telling Ck that my eating of food would be "rigorously necesary" She handed me a bag of chips, and that was dinner. We got our caravan reformed and headed northward in the summer night. The "Fun" portion of the manthalon remained, of which I will comment little, only saying that I competed manfully, though not alas to victory as I would have hoped. The day we were slated to finish the modern pentathlon with a bike race (horse back riding), Wrestling (Fencing), pistol shooting, and the 3000m cross country run. Things didn't quite work out that way. I arose around 9:30 and scrounged around for coffee. My caffeine need being met, I planted myself on the deck at Burke and sat in the sun chatting with all people. Ct and Ck went to go get their marriage license, and upon returning, Ct put Ck in bed, and told him not to wake up for many hours. Brayt and I figured that Ck was out of commission for the day, so we headed over to Kingdom Trails for some MTB action. Kingdom trails were , as B put it, sublime. Challenging, yet really fun, fast yet technical, windy yet scenic. Basically, the best mountain biking in New England. I can't wait to go back. We biked for 3 hours and it was just amazing. Sidewinder in particular blew my mind, ludicrously scary and yet ridable...fantastic. We met up with Ct and rode with her group for the last hour. You might recall from previous entries that Ct is a kick-ass mountain-biker, so that was really fun. We returned to Burke around 2:30 ready to chill some more, but Ck was up, and had other plans. Ck planned an MTB crit for us, so, after some heal dragging on everybody's part, back to Kingdom trails we went, with Ck's family and B's parents in tow. The course was a 1 mile loop called Old Web, basically 50% downhill 50% uphill. Really, really fun to ride, but I had no legs left. We did four laps, and I rode as hard as I could, which turned out to be pretty slow. Apparently L and B had a good fight for the win, but I was happy not to get lapped. We drove back to Burke, and dragged our feet some more, but Ck still had time before the rehearsal dinner, so, wrestling was next. We had a "king of the hill" style match. Basically, if you were in the middle, you were getting time points. One person would challenge you and either take the hill, or get thrown out or knocked down. I started in the hill and controlled it for three seconds. I spent the next four minutes getting my ass throw and knocked down repeatedly. Still, it was fun. L, being the biggest, won the event, and we had time left for only one more, the pistol shoot. We had six shots with E's .22 revolver at 10 yards. The other competitors didn't hit the target more than once. I hit it three times, two shots grazing the center ring, so I took the victory. It was too little, too late, but damn it felt good, especially after wrestling. The points were added up, and the results anounced. In 4th place me, 3rd L, 2nd J, and the Best Man, B. It really didn't matter, though. That night at the rehearsal dinner, we all decided to give speeches during the reception anyway. The Best Manthlon wasn't about winning or losing; it was about 5 friends having the time of their lives. To that end, there were no losers. Or as our coach used to say, "there are no non-heros on this team". Ck and Ct's wedding ceremony was really gorgeous. The view of Willaby Gap was breathtaking, and the weather cooperated perfectly. During the reception we took a good 20 minutes to give our speeches, but for love of Ck and Ct, that seemed like a short time. The food was delicious, and we danced the night away to the best jazz band I've ever heard. By this point I had developed a nasty headcold, so it took 600 mg of caffeine plus 3 cups of coffee to keep me going, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. At some point I agreed to hike Burke Mtn to see the sunrise in the morning. I figured I was already sick, hiking probably wouldn't hurt. Sure enough, at 4:30 a.m. Ck knocked on my door, and I suited up for the final athletic event of the weekend. It was a nice hike, in the dark, up the ski trails, and the view from the firetower at the top was exquisite. It was a fitting end to an epic 5 days. I don't think there will be any weddings next year, but we all agreed to all get together for an adventure. Hopefully our fellowship will reconvene in Moab, or some other suitable playground, and we can tell tales from manthlon and of all the years past and look forward to those left to come. Ck and Ct, we couldn't be more happy for you. Thanks for having such a kick-ass wedding!